dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
