Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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