I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
