I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
