So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize