He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
