tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize