marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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