he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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