Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
