i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
