we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
