he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
