Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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