someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
