My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Found the puke drawer
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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