i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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