I puked a lego.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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