I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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