My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
