I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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