But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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