My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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