Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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