My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Congratulations! We have a period
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