mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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