I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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