"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
