Your face is a jimmy john
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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