Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize