when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
