Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
