I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Are my feet made of real feet?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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