do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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