I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
