i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just found a bag of teeth...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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