you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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