He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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