This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Are we still banned from the library?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
