1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize