If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
