I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
