Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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