Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
