woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
