whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
