i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
