he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
