I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
