Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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