I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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