i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You may now shotgun with the bride
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
