so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
