he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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