So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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