I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
