I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
