I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
