last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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