His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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