We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
