You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
areolas are like halos for boobs.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
