My room smells like vodka and shame
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
