Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
