Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
