It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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