That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
