Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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