I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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